yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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