dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
