If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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