we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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