Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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