Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
