I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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