I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
