lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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