I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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