The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
