but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
