The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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