I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
