Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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