If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
