when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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