I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
time to smoke my breakfast
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
