just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
