Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
