Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
