I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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