Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
