She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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