You work out of a Hotel?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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