man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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