OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
