Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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