I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
