Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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