I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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