I want to walk on stilts...naked
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
