you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We had to coat check the pizza.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
