The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
