I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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