it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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