Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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