i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
