You can't special order awesome
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
