I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
