Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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