Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
