chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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