im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
