so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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