By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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