Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
