We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
