its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
