I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
