YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
